amazngj's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anger Mismanagement I have anger issues. I don't know how to deal with the little things that frustrate me, and I tend to lash out violently with very little provocation. You probably haven't seen this, because I tend to wait until I'm alone before I have my rampages and tirades. Usually in the car, occassionally in the freezer at work. Wehn I am having a driving tirade, I'll do one of three things. I'll turn the radio up, roll the windows down and scream along with the music at the top of my lungs just to release some pent up hostility. I'll rant into a cell phone, regular phone or tape recorder about whatevers on my mind. I'll pretend I'm talking to whomever I'd like to go off on and I'll do it in a way that won't make me look as insane as when I'm yelling without a phone. After I got my driving license (December 28th, 1990) I took the corded handset from my phone in my room and tied the cord around my emergency brake release so I could look like I had a "car phone" which is what it was called back then. Even then, I used it as an outlet to vent what I wanted to say without having to have someone there to listen. Looking cool to the girls I drove past while on my "car phone" was just a bonus. There really was a third thing there, but I forgot what it was. In the freezer at work, I can step into a twelve foot by twelve foot room with eight inch thick metal walls and enjoy the soundproof atmosphere accompanied by a few thousand dollars worth of frozen meat and two constantly spinning fans. There's nothing like having a breeze through your hair at negative ten degrees and being able to punch the hell out of a box of frozen chicken breasts to release frustrations. Most people who have seen my negative moods are only bearing witness to the manifestation of the containment of my rage, because I don't like to be seen being mad. When I express frustration or displeasure with witnesses, I usually release it in the form of a long winded occassionally comical tirade that calms my mood and amuses others. Maybe that's just the showman in me finding a productive outlet for me to release steam. I don't know why I allow myself to be bothered by little things. It's always the little things, the big things I can usually deal with reasonably well. Of course I use rationalization and sarcasm to cope but much more successfully than I can handle with tiny frustrating annoying little things. I don't really have a point to this rant, it's not very funny or interesting, because, of course, I am avoiding writing about what I sat down to write about. Probably because I'm angry. 17:00 - 17 June 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||