amazngj's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My name is james, and I'm a cheap bastard As I stand to announce to the room that yes, I am a cheap bastard, I feel slightly proud of this. I'm not sure exactly why, but I feel like that is an accomplishment. I could trace it back to the days when I would shoplift under the defense mechanism of denial, and hiding in the shroud of rationalization, that I was, "Testing the stupidity of the retail masses." I also claimed that I was acting out the accusations pressed against my generation because once, I was singled out and questioned for shoplifting, before I ever got the idea. Personally, I think it was racial/ethinic/religious profiling. (Those damn WASPs and their sticky fingers...) My favorite story about "testing salesperson stupidity" is when I went into Payless shoestore in the monroeville mall and asked the salesperson to show me a nice pair of cowboy boots. I tried them on, walked around the store, (feeling them out) and then asked for a dress shoe, which I then walked around (a much smaller area) and then asked for sequentially, a sneaker, loafer, work boot and sandal. The salesperson was annoyed and frustrated when I then said I was no longer interested, nothing really felt right, so I put on my cowboy boots and left. She walked me to the door. Payless - you could pay... but why? Cheap Bastard. I sign up for diferent programs and cancel within the free membership timeframe. I buy generic brands all the time (except Peanut Butter - you don't EVER fuck with the Peanut Butter). I would rather make something functional and hiddeously ugly, than pay for a much better one for a few pennies more. I set the heat to 60 in the winter and the AC to 80 in the summer. Most recently, I found out that gas prices in Maryland are about ten cents cheaper than delaware, and that - is worth the drive. I use the same videocassette for the entire television season over which I tape eight to ten hours of broadcasting each week. Then I complain in February when the picture quality sucks. I don't go clothes shopping. Only when I run out of a particular type of clothing (like pants) due to rips, tears, stains AND being shrunk three sizes by the washing machine (shut up - it is the washing machine, I'm the same size I ever was). Even then I have to be dragged kicking and screaming to a store. Any store where the prices would be reasonable, or I have a gift certificate. And then, I'll buy two. Why own two pairs of pants? Cause you need one to wear when the other finally looks dirty enough that you have to wash it. Now shirts, socks and underwear you need seven of, because people notice visually if you wear the same shirt, and they notice olfactorly if you repeat socks and underwear between wash loads. Maybe I'm cheap because after accumulating twenty-thousand in credit card debt about seven years ago, I had to live within my means, no one would trust me with credit. But I still turn off lights when I leave a room. I get anxious if a light, or worse, a television, is on in a room without an occupant. Liz broke me of the habit of turning off the computer (ever) but I still feel compelled to turn off the cable box, even when the TV is already off. I honestly don't know if there is a difference in power usage, all I can tell is that little green LED goes off and another comes on. But I know which one means "ON" and I have to recitfy that. This whole topic came about in my head on the ride home from work tonight when I was speculating about what I would do if I won one million dollars. I would put half in the bank, to cover the taxes I would owe on it, leaving $500,000 spending money. I would pay off credit cards, cars, loans and mortage, leaving $445,000. Liz and I have ten immediate family members, 10K a piece seems generous, so I'm down to $345,000. I figured we have nine friends around the country with whom we are close enough to warrant giving them each 5K, bring us to an even $300,000. And right there, I was thinking, I'd like to buy a bookcase. A nice dark wooden bookcase about seven feet tall. And I realized, even with that much money, I wouldn't spend it. I don't spend money due to a lack of it, I don't spend due to a lack of motivation to spend. This led me to the conclusion, "My name is James, and I'm a cheap bastard." 01:15 - 08 September 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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